OKAY, my parents found out I pierced my ears. I knew they would find out. I also knew that I wasn't allowed to get my second holes done, or my cartilage. Why did I do it then?It did start out as an act of self harm, but not really. I was mad at my mom because she said: "I'm tired of your bitching, just get over it." I don't even know why she said that, I think it was because I was fighting with my sister about something she wanted me to do for her. I know what she said wasn't a huge deal, but when she swears at me, it just really pisses me off and triggers my desire to self harm.SO I was planing on piercing my belly button, again, because I didn't want to have to hide another scar/ burn from SI. Then I decided that was not a good idea because I still have a scar from the last time I pierced my belly button (I think way to much about logistics when I want to self harm, it's sick, not in a good way) SO I thought: what else can I pierce? MY EARS!!! By this time I had totally forgotten about wanting to self harm and being mad at my mom. I just wanted my ears pierced. I knew my parents would not approve, but for some STUPID reason I did it anyway. I like the rush of being rebellious and breaking rules.So, that's why. I have no idea why I couldn't just say this to my mom and dad, but I couldn't find the words to explain it when they asked. Maybe it was because I was crying and having like a firiggin mental break down or maybe I just didn't want to. IDK.All I know now is that I AM DONE BEING THE STUPID, REBELLIOUS, SELF HARMING PERSON I WASTED 3 YEARS OF MY LIFE BEING.I know how hurting my body and doing stupid things hurts my mom, my dad, my friends, and even my sister. They were all upset about this. AND I'M SORRY! I didn't want to hurt anyone, only myself, and that wasn't really even my intention in the end. I just wanted to do one last thing before I begin again at a new school, as a better person.I told my parents that I wasn't going to do anyhting else stupid like drinking, piercing, cutting, drugs, ect... anymore because I DON'T WANT TO!!! I am done being idiotic about the decisions I make. I've been through that, and I don't want to go through it again. I realize my mistakes, I'm sorry for them, and I am ready to move on. And what made me realize this? The anger in my mom's voice, the disappointment in my dad's eyes, my sister crying, and the disapproval of my teacher. I see now how my actions have hurt others, and because of that, I have decided to stop.And this time, I really mean stop, all of it. I WILL NOT SELF HARM ANYMORE. I can't, it's not right, and I don't want it to be who I am anymore.I just want to be that girl who gets good grades, enjoys preforming, and loves her family and friends. (Well I already do, but I mean, like, be nicer to them, and no fighting.)I have also decided that I am NEVER getting anymore piercings, and no tattoos. I am not going to drink again until I am 21, and legal. I will never try drugs, or smoke. EVER. I have seen how this stuff can mess you up, and I don't want to do that.I'm going to try and fix my life and get it together, but I am not taking out the earrings, because I like them.My parents don't trust me anymore, and I don't think they should. I understand. I'll have to earn my trust back, I just wish they would believe all the things in this post about I AM DONE.Gosh, why can't I just tell them all this??? Every time I tr to talk to them about stuff like this, I cry and I don't like crying around other people. I guess I am just better at writing them I am at talking.That's all I have to say at the moment.


PS
I have a lot of new posts in such a short amount of time cuz I am importing them from another blog