So you guys know I started self harming again. awesome. But I cant do this anymore. I was Si free for so long. I cnt lose this battle anymore. when i stopped last year and the summer I was in 8th grade I didnt try really hard to get better. i stopped, yes. But i wasnt healed. Now I want to heal, not just stop.
So I am going to be writing on this blog fucking religiously. Everuy detail, ever cut. So maybe I wont anymore. So bottle things up till it hurtd me. literally.
Today was very stressful. Lots of school work. gross. I was so frustrated today in history i took a bottle cap (metal) I had and twisted it on my wrist and made a small cut on the edge of my wrist. I got hoe and watched some videos on SI by idranktheseawater. SHe is freaking amazing, check her out. Her ideas for Si
distractions really helped. She is the only one who I felt I could tell my proplems. And she is the only one who offered her ear to listen. Which is sad because I dont know her beyond her youtube channel. I also took one of my russian dolls and but cuts and burns and such on it so I can hurt her instead of myself. But
my hope is that I will look at her and see so much pain that i wont want to hurt her. And then maybe I'll realize how much it hurts others. And how nobody deserves to hurt themselves or be hurt. watch idranktheseawater's video "ways not to cut" she explains it a lot better than that. I also started wearinga braclet MP gave
me along side the one my BF gave me as a reminder everytime i got to slit my wrists of the people I love. and wholove me. Tomorow i need to tell Jon I started cutting again so that her doesnt freak when he sees the cuts on my stomach.